A Paean for the Proxy

These verses were composed in trying times. Upon a summer’s day in August, the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Sixteen, it suddenly became indispensable that I should write a small bit of boilerplate, many times scrawled carelessly upon my IDE window, and never once committed to memory, with the end of orchestrating that the Play Framework, on which firmament rested my code, accomplish some minute but needful end, I remember not what. Raising anchor and casting off into the wide seas of Tela Totius Terrae, I came upon a small inlet at Stack Overflow which seemed probable to house the lore I sought. Clicking upon it, I chanced to provoke the wrath of the Proxy, the gatekeeper which guards our office network. Three times I gave the pass-word, and three times the Proxy denied me, and at last, defeated, I turned to other matters.

In the proximal hours of this mortifying rebuff, I anathematized the Proxy thrice over, and thrice maledicted it, doubling the trials it had lain upon my back like three lashes of a cat-o-nine-tails. But in the following hours I reflected on the happenings, and it came to me that I was like a child before a good shepherd, squealing to be let beyond the pasture, and the Proxy was the good shepherd, the pass-word prompt his crook across the gates, an inexorable guardian, keeping my toe upon the path of truth and my ken upon the course of righteousness. And upon that realization I composed these verses, which I dedicate to the Proxy, in admiration, may it ever watch over us sinful software developers, and keep us from temptation.


Oh Proxy, wondrous, on the net
Above us like the moon, so silvery grey
By blocking sites you never let
We software developers go astray.

You keep us, and guard us, and ensure that we
are never tempted from our tasks
You maintain our morality
But sometimes relent, if we ask.

Oh Proxy, how glorious are thee
A shepherd for this software flock
Forgive us if we question thee
On why you chose Stack Overflow to block.

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